Evolving Relationships

I wonder if we are supposed to be continually moving in relationships the way we move in favorite songs and routines.

I was always under the assumption that people make friends early and then those are your friends for life. Maybe you add another here and there, but your core friends remain the same.

But life does not seem to work that way. People move on, their routines drift away from yours, and you don’t see each other any more. For lack of better words, friends drop off. And I’m starting to think that maybe that’s okay, maybe that’s natural as long as you are continually adding new friends. The problem only comes when you are drifting away from friends and not making any new ones to replace them.

I still don’t know 100% what I think about this, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot as a young idealist in the post-college professional world. Maybe the changes in relationships I’m experiencing aren’t a warning sign, but just the way things are.



Admitting I’m Human

Hi guys, long time no see!

Lately, I’ve been trying to reconnect with nature, as was suggested. I’ve been sleeping with my curtains and bedroom windows open (Just a crack, since it’s been getting colder. Also, I live out in the country, so don’t worry. It’s safe). I’ve also been driving with the window open and I try to go outside more often during the day. All this has been helping me feel more connected and healthy, both physically and spiritually.

I’ve also been trying to be more honest. I’m not a particularly dishonest person, but I do exaggerate, I tell people I like things when I don’t actually like them, I pretend to know actors and movies when I don’t, I tell people I’ll be at their party when I know I won’t.

My excuse is that it’s all for the sake of making conversations easier and avoiding conflict, but what it ends up doing, to me at least, is it creates a wall between myself and those around me, where I don’t know how they’ll react if I gave my true opinion because I’ve never given it. Which makes me feel anxious, bitter, and misunderstood.

It’s a lot of work to give my honest opinion without thinking too much about the consequences, but what I’ve found is that honest opinion shows trustworthiness and realness, and overall, people respect that more than politeness.

Both these ventures have been helping me accept myself more. Being in nature reminds me that I’m human and that what happens in nature does still affect me. Being honest with people forces me to be honest with myself. I’m not the life of the party, I like jokes but I’m usually the straight man, I’m quiet, distant, cynical, and I just can’t force myself to get on board the hype train for most things.

Being honest with myself isn’t the same as accepting everything about myself as perfect. There are definitely things I am trying to change, but being honest in the meantime is therapeutic, because I realize everyone is “in the meantime” of their own stuff as well. And that creates a kind of misfit camaraderie.