Hi guys, long time no see!
Lately, I’ve been trying to reconnect with nature, as was suggested. I’ve been sleeping with my curtains and bedroom windows open (Just a crack, since it’s been getting colder. Also, I live out in the country, so don’t worry. It’s safe). I’ve also been driving with the window open and I try to go outside more often during the day. All this has been helping me feel more connected and healthy, both physically and spiritually.
I’ve also been trying to be more honest. I’m not a particularly dishonest person, but I do exaggerate, I tell people I like things when I don’t actually like them, I pretend to know actors and movies when I don’t, I tell people I’ll be at their party when I know I won’t.
My excuse is that it’s all for the sake of making conversations easier and avoiding conflict, but what it ends up doing, to me at least, is it creates a wall between myself and those around me, where I don’t know how they’ll react if I gave my true opinion because I’ve never given it. Which makes me feel anxious, bitter, and misunderstood.
It’s a lot of work to give my honest opinion without thinking too much about the consequences, but what I’ve found is that honest opinion shows trustworthiness and realness, and overall, people respect that more than politeness.
Both these ventures have been helping me accept myself more. Being in nature reminds me that I’m human and that what happens in nature does still affect me. Being honest with people forces me to be honest with myself. I’m not the life of the party, I like jokes but I’m usually the straight man, I’m quiet, distant, cynical, and I just can’t force myself to get on board the hype train for most things.
Being honest with myself isn’t the same as accepting everything about myself as perfect. There are definitely things I am trying to change, but being honest in the meantime is therapeutic, because I realize everyone is “in the meantime” of their own stuff as well. And that creates a kind of misfit camaraderie.