not like this

My best friends’ dad died today. He left a wife and four children, two of them in middle school.

As I was trying to get ready for the day, weeping, I heard God speak. “This is why you are going back (to America),” he said, “to be there for them. Improve your empathy, because they will need it.”

I like finding out what my next step is, but not like this. Not like this.

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Negativity

I told a friend something in confidence and was rejected for it. God has been teaching me not to look to others for validation, but instead look only to him. This is just the latest lesson in that vein, I suppose. I do not regret telling them, but I am still sad we couldn’t stay friends.

I avoided the large, saturated park on my walk home. As much as I’d like to deny it, I have some strong stormy emotions swirling inside me today. I don’t want to pollute its space with my negative energy. I don’t want to start our relationship that way.

Negative energy is potent and it spreads like rot. It hurts positive spirits it comes into contact with. I learned this when I was struggling with depression and I continued to visit my elemental friend back in America. They all but booted me out of their forest. Nothing personal, but they didn’t want me spreading that in their forest, because it’s hard to remove. You may notice negativity is contagious from human to human as well.

I went back later when I was in a better mental place, apologized, and promised to be more careful in the future. The only spirit I’ve met who is unaffected by negative energy is God/the Creator/the Source/the Holy Spirit. Perhaps because he is the base of the stem where all energy originates.