I truly didn’t expect to hear from them ever again. But over the last month, we have spoken a little. I don’t know why that is, but I care less about the why and more about the fact that I don’t have to say goodbye just yet.
Maybe our relationship has finally fully changed and it took a summer to do so. Or maybe I’m spiritually lonely again since I’ve grown disheartened by the church I’ve been attending and am still searching for somewhere new.
Either way, I’m glad I get to chat and learn from them again. I’ll deal with the why later.
I think my relationship with the elemental is officially over.
I went down to their forest today, as I have every few days since I’ve been home. I stood there, gazing into the quiet shaded green, trying to sense anything at all that would show that they weren’t gone. Even just for the sensation of being watched. But I felt nothing.
As I stood there, puzzled and missing them, I asked God why I couldn’t sense them anymore. “Because you have me in your heart, there is no room for anything else,” he answered.
That wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear and I fought him on it. Shouldn’t having him lodged in my heart allow me to have more room for others, not less?
He clarified that I didn’t have that aching hole in my heart anymore. I wasn’t reaching out to the elemental to satisfy my spiritual longing anymore. And then it struck me, like finally understanding a foreign language: he was the one who had brought the elemental to me in the first place.
At the time, I was lonely and not getting the companionship I craved. I was also spiritually starved, but my hatred of the church was keeping me from filling that need, too. I was stuck in limbo, and that spirit proved to be just the kind of friend I needed.
A lump rose in my throat and tears came to my eyes. I still miss my friend, but I am more grateful than ever for the time we had together. Wherever they are now and whatever they’re up to, I wish them nothing but the deepest blessings. And while I don’t know if we’ll ever meet again, I’ll keep an eye open, just in case.
The elemental in the far woods (see this post) has not spoken to me since I’ve been back home.
I’ve visited their forest several times, listening for them, but I don’t even feel them anymore. And I don’t know enough about spirits to know why, or what might be going on.
Did they leave? Have they gone dormant for a bit? Has something changed in our relationship that makes them not want to reach out to me? Or has something changed in me that is preventing me from sensing them?
It’s frustrating and a little sad, but I’ve decided not to dwell on it.
For all I know, maybe our relationship wasn’t supposed to last forever. Maybe they had some knowledge to impart to me and now that I have received it, they have moved on to do something else, somewhere else.
I hope they come back, of course, but only if it is what is best. Sometimes things are only meant to last for a short time.
I stumbled upon an online list of small things to talk to spirits about. It included asking for advice and such, but it also included things like asking them for their story, or asking them about the area, or even asking them about their friends.
I’d never considered speaking to spirits about these kinds of things, not spirits I didn’t already have a strong relationship with.
Maybe I’ll try more of these kinds of casual and positive questions. Not every question needs to be about natural laws and eternity. Relationships need a bit of this kind of conversation, as well. Especially starting out. You don’t want to jump straight to the scary stuff.
Here is a link to the list, if you are interested. Link.
Tonight I found my small box of Nag Champa incense and it made me think of my elemental (nature spirit) friend back home.
As I take in its sweet, heady scent, I remember how we didn’t used to be friends: how they used to hate me and how I used to be scared of them. But somehow, despite my egocentric, human-conqueror-minded stupidity, we eventually grew to enjoy each other’s company (once I stopped talking at them and started listening. But that’s a story for another time).
I’m reminded of that one time I wanted to burn incense as a gift to them to thank them for sharing their practical wisdom with me.
I often burn incense and candles to God (rose in particular), but I didn’t know whether forest elementals liked incense. I certainly didn’t want to give them a gift they wouldn’t enjoy.
So I thought back to our previous conversations, to think of something they would appreciate, and I remembered that when we were talking about plants, I had mentioned the plant I was tending in my room and how they said they’d like to see it sometime.
With my phone, I took a few pictures of my plant, showing how it had grown. Then I brought my phone to the forest where the elemental resides and we looked through them together.
That elemental is one of my best friends, and I miss them terribly. I can’t wait to sit and talk with them again.