my elemental friend is back

I truly didn’t expect to hear from them ever again. But over the last month, we have spoken a little. I don’t know why that is, but I care less about the why and more about the fact that I don’t have to say goodbye just yet.

Maybe our relationship has finally fully changed and it took a summer to do so. Or maybe I’m spiritually lonely again since I’ve grown disheartened by the church I’ve been attending and am still searching for somewhere new.

Either way, I’m glad I get to chat and learn from them again. I’ll deal with the why later.

Advertisements

Attacked by Ghost Spiders

I spent Tuesday night waking up in a panic every half hour, thinking I was being attacked by bugs. Spiders on my pillow, on my blanket, on my floor, on my face, everywhere. I must have turned on the light and brushed off my sheets and checked my floor a dozen times.

The odd thing is, bugs don’t bother me. I actually wanted to be an entomologist at one point. The whole experience was probably a combination of stress plus knowledge of the spider I found in the bathroom that I decided to leave alone.

However, I can’t help wondering if there was a spiritual cause. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve woken up and felt like I was being attacked (ex. the time my sister’s spiritual guardian kept visiting me at night to make sure I wasn’t a threat). If it was spiritual, it probably wasn’t something very strong. Just a curious spirit passing through.

Was it stress and spider dreams or a wandering spirit? Probably a little of both.

goodbye to my elemental friend

I think my relationship with the elemental is officially over.

I went down to their forest today, as I have every few days since I’ve been home. I stood there, gazing into the quiet shaded green, trying to sense anything at all that would show that they weren’t gone. Even just for the sensation of being watched. But I felt nothing.

As I stood there, puzzled and missing them, I asked God why I couldn’t sense them anymore. “Because you have me in your heart, there is no room for anything else,” he answered.

That wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear and I fought him on it. Shouldn’t having him lodged in my heart allow me to have more room for others, not less?

He clarified that I didn’t have that aching hole in my heart anymore. I wasn’t reaching out to the elemental to satisfy my spiritual longing anymore. And then it struck me, like finally understanding a foreign language: he was the one who had brought the elemental to me in the first place.

At the time, I was lonely and not getting the companionship I craved. I was also spiritually starved, but my hatred of the church was keeping me from filling that need, too. I was stuck in limbo, and that spirit proved to be just the kind of friend I needed.

A lump rose in my throat and tears came to my eyes. I still miss my friend, but I am more grateful than ever for the time we had together. Wherever they are now and whatever they’re up to, I wish them nothing but the deepest blessings. And while I don’t know if we’ll ever meet again, I’ll keep an eye open, just in case.

Brief but Meaningful

The elemental in the far woods (see this post) has not spoken to me since I’ve been back home.

I’ve visited their forest several times, listening for them, but I don’t even feel them anymore. And I don’t know enough about spirits to know why, or what might be going on.

Did they leave? Have they gone dormant for a bit? Has something changed in our relationship that makes them not want to reach out to me? Or has something changed in me that is preventing me from sensing them?

It’s frustrating and a little sad, but I’ve decided not to dwell on it.

For all I know, maybe our relationship wasn’t supposed to last forever. Maybe they had some knowledge to impart to me and now that I have received it, they have moved on to do something else, somewhere else.

I hope they come back, of course, but only if it is what is best. Sometimes things are only meant to last for a short time.

Guardians and the Unguarded

We have guests staying in our house and at the same time, my sister is on a long weekend trip to the beach. Because of this, I get to sleep alone in her room for a few nights.

My sister is a very spiritually sensitive, spiritually active person. She has worked with guardian spirits in the past and even had one standing guard in her doorway for a while.

There were a few nights when I think it came into my room to investigate me. I had odd, disturbing dreams, and for a few nights in a row, I was woken up by the distinct feeling that something was charging at me, rushing at my face. However, eventually it decided I wasn’t a threat, calmed down, and left me alone.

But I haven’t been home for several months. I didn’t know if it was still around, if it had followed my sister to the beach, if it had stayed behind to guard her room, or if it even remembered me. I was concerned that it might see me as an intruder in her space.

Last night was my first night alone in her room, and I made a point to make peace with the guardian, on the off chance that it was still in her room.

I reintroduced myself, let it know what was going on, and told it that my sister had given me permission to stay in her room. I welcomed it to reach out to me if it needed further clarification or inspection, but asked it to be civil about it, since I didn’t have any intention of causing harm. I asked God to protect me as well.

As I was going to sleep, something thumped hard on the computer desk by my head. But nothing else happened. Not even nightmares.

I’m not sure if it’s even still in the room. Nonetheless, I feel better and I don’t anticipate any scary encounters tonight.

 

Good Possession

I’ve come to realize that not all spiritual possession is bad or harmful. Like most things in life, it seems to come down to who is involved and what consent was given.

We have all heard the horror stories of harmful possessions by demons, etc. Possessions that cause the host to lose control of their body and hurt themselves or others. Possessions that require long, intense exorcisms. Those are forced possessions, where the spirit decided to possess with no input from the host.

What we often forget is that a lot of religion, especially Christianity, encourages a kind of possession as well. But it encourages possession that is consensual, loving, and built on trust.

In Christianity, it’s commonly called “asking Jesus into your heart” or being “born again.” You ask a manifestation of God called the Holy Spirit to enter and reside inside of you for the rest of your life, influencing how you think and act, guiding you to become more like him.

He doesn’t force his way in. He is gentle and attentive, and keeps a dialogue going the whole time to make sure you are 100% on board with what he is proposing. And if you aren’t, he takes a step back and you go back to discussing, to see why you aren’t okay with it and whether you truly want to continue.

Personally, I didn’t understand the “born again” concept until I started thinking about it in terms of possession. It sounds creepy put that way, doesn’t it?

Everyone is different and everyone finds different paths towards their own enlightenment. But for those who think they might want to give that kind of intertwined existence a try, I encourage them to.

But listen to me babbling on. I’m such a lovestruck flesh-thing that I think everyone should give it a go. Don’t listen to me. Go at your own pace (or don’t go. It’s your choice). But if you have any questions about it, please feel free to leave a comment or send me a message and I’ll answer the best I can.

Small Things to Ask Spirits

I stumbled upon an online list of small things to talk to spirits about. It included asking for advice and such, but it also included things like asking them for their story, or asking them about the area, or even asking them about their friends.

I’d never considered speaking to spirits about these kinds of things, not spirits I didn’t already have a strong relationship with.

Maybe I’ll try more of these kinds of casual and positive questions. Not every question needs to be about natural laws and eternity. Relationships need a bit of this kind of conversation, as well. Especially starting out. You don’t want to jump straight to the scary stuff.

Here is a link to the list, if you are interested. Link.

Elemental

Tonight I found my small box of Nag Champa incense and it made me think of my elemental (nature spirit) friend back home.

As I take in its sweet, heady scent, I remember how we didn’t used to be friends: how they used to hate me and how I used to be scared of them. But somehow, despite my egocentric, human-conqueror-minded stupidity, we eventually grew to enjoy each other’s company (once I stopped talking at them and started listening. But that’s a story for another time).

I’m reminded of that one time I wanted to burn incense as a gift to them to thank them for sharing their practical wisdom with me.

I often burn incense and candles to God (rose in particular), but I didn’t know whether forest elementals liked incense. I certainly didn’t want to give them a gift they wouldn’t enjoy.

So I thought back to our previous conversations, to think of something they would appreciate, and I remembered that when we were talking about plants, I had mentioned the plant I was tending in my room and how they said they’d like to see it sometime.

With my phone, I took a few pictures of my plant, showing how it had grown. Then I brought my phone to the forest where the elemental resides and we looked through them together.

That elemental is one of my best friends, and I miss them terribly. I can’t wait to sit and talk with them again.

Negativity

I told a friend something in confidence and was rejected for it. God has been teaching me not to look to others for validation, but instead look only to him. This is just the latest lesson in that vein, I suppose. I do not regret telling them, but I am still sad we couldn’t stay friends.

I avoided the large, saturated park on my walk home. As much as I’d like to deny it, I have some strong stormy emotions swirling inside me today. I don’t want to pollute its space with my negative energy. I don’t want to start our relationship that way.

Negative energy is potent and it spreads like rot. It hurts positive spirits it comes into contact with. I learned this when I was struggling with depression and I continued to visit my elemental friend back in America. They all but booted me out of their forest. Nothing personal, but they didn’t want me spreading that in their forest, because it’s hard to remove. You may notice negativity is contagious from human to human as well.

I went back later when I was in a better mental place, apologized, and promised to be more careful in the future. The only spirit I’ve met who is unaffected by negative energy is God/the Creator/the Source/the Holy Spirit. Perhaps because he is the base of the stem where all energy originates.

A Surprise in the Park

Today, I walked home from class instead of taking the train. What I was expecting was a nice walk through a part of the city I don’t usually get to see while saving myself a bit of money. What I wasn’t expecting was the park I walked by, or the strong spiritual charge it had.

One little alcove in particular felt saturated with something: a feeling I’ve learned to associate with spirits nearby. It’s the first time I’ve felt this kind of sensation in Japan.

I think that park will be a good one to visit on a regular basis, to just sit in quietly and make myself available, if whatever resides there wants to make contact. If it doesn’t want to, that’s okay too. It’s not my place to pressure anyone to do anything.